Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
