I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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