Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Four minutes until I can fart!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
