So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
