A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
