Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
