I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
pray to the hookup gods
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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