def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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