In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
