I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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