Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
