margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
