I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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