apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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