He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
