Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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