I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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