my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
