I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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