no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
