I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
