i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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