I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
