whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
