If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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