Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
