if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
