Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
