Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
