I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
