he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
