I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was so not down for the gang bang
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
