I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
