i jhust puked up my retainher.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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