I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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