Moan for me like Helen Keller
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
