Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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