K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
