guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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