You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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