Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
