its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
