oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
