my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
