YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
