The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm both gender and math confused
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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