I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
