Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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