Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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