I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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