The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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