I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I did not marry a roomba.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
